Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
