The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
