ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I think people are normalizing furries
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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