I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
