we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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