My brain says no but my pants say off.
home. puking in laundry basket.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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