bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
