You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Can you bring me the toilet please
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
