Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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