I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
