tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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