I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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