saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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