I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
