covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
