Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
