apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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