Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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