she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
