remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Randomize
