God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
