Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
