Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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