the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He passed out mid-signature
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
