One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
