I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
