I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
