Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
