I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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