Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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