i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
