It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
two words...techno handjob
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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