An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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