True but thats because hes a fetus.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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