sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
