thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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