girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
