i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
