Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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