dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
