I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
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