Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
