There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
