Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
