You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
