think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
