I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
