OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
