You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
