If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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