do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
